Welcome, Baby Ben!

For those of you who may wonder where I've been and why I hadn't replied to anyone's blogs or comments, I had my baby and then we had to go back into the hospital for his jaundice issues.  But we're back home and doing much better.  I'm still recovering from the surgery, so it's still slow-going... and with the new baby and a two year old running around like crazy, it's going to be interesting getting back into a routine of some sort.

Baby Ben - Day One

Looking Forward to Baby

Writing prompt by Mama Kat

This week's prompt is:  

Share one good thing you're looking forward to.

Oh my gosh, this is so easy for me... I'm looking forward to having this baby!  Having the baby and recovering from the c-section, that is... kind of all rolled into one.

Because getting past that one period of time allows me to then be able to enjoy our new baby, play with him, learn how to juggle two small children, teach my first son how to help with the baby, hopefully I'll be able to breastfeed this time around, I want to start working on losing weight, getting rid of this really bad sciatica pain, enjoy not having to get up numerous times in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, get back behind the wheel of the van and drive (I don't fit anymore with the baby belly all up in the way,) get back on my fibro medication (well, after the breastfeeding, that is, if that part happens,) and, in general, do a lot of the things that I can't physically do right now.

Because of all the pain I'm in, I can't get down on the floor and play with my son because I can't get back up without help.  The last time I got down on the floor to look for one of his toys, I almost wasn't able to get back up... and it took me a while and it was painful to do so.  I can't bend over very well anymore because of the big ol' baby belly that's taken over my mid-section.  I can barely reach the keyboard on the laptop!  I have the laptop on my lap right now and my belly keeps me from having it too close and my arms are barely long enough to reach... and certainly not comfortably.  (which is another reason why I haven't posted much lately, it's just not that easy anymore! LOL)

I don't get out of the house much anymore either, because I just hurt too much.  When going to Wally World, I need to use one of the electric carts, because my hips and back hurt too much to walk very far.  And that's totally embarrassing.  I hate having to use one of those things.  I don't know why.  I suppose I shouldn't let my pride get the best of me like that, but honestly, I was hoping to not ever need one of those.  My mother needed one and I just never wanted to get that bad, physically.  So, I suppose I should take better care of myself, right?!  But I don't and I guess that's one of the biggest reasons for me looking forward to having the baby and recovering from the surgery... Being able to get back into shape.

Well, getting into shape and becoming independent again.  It's tough having to depend so heavily on others for help.  Especially when I have always been such an independent person all throughout my life.  And I look at other pregnant women (most of whom are a lot younger than I am, which doesn't help) and I see them taking Zumba classes or some other such crazy activity, some of them, you wouldn't even know they were pregnant except for the cute little bump of a belly because they just fly around doing everything they usually do without any problem, and I'm jealous and amazed that they can move so well.

But, no need crying over spilled milk, I suppose.  It's done, I'm pregnant, and there's no going back, so the only thing I can do now is look forward to having the baby and recovering from the surgery.  Then I can move on and work on the many other things that I'm so looking forward to doing... with my babies in tow!

In honor of Father's Day

Writing prompt by Mama Kat

It's time for another Writing Prompt.  This week, I've chosen the following prompt:

Father's Day is coming! Share something you've learned from your husband about parenting. What makes him good at what he does?

With my first child, he was always so calm and understanding.  He'd already been through it with his first wife when she was pregnant with his oldest son, who is now my stepson, and a wonderful one at that.  So, hubby was very good when I would be panicky and wondering if this symptom, or that one was "normal" or not.

"Should I be worried?"
"No, that's normal."
"But what if...?"
"Don't worry, it's ok, you're supposed to feel like that."

Yet he was supportive if I felt the need to call the doctor and go in, "just in case" and he always went with me to every doctor's appointment.

He also was willing to go out and get whatever weird craving I was having... no matter what time of night or wee hours of the morning it was.  He loved talking to the baby and giving my belly zerberts (and still does this time around.)

Buggaboo at one day old

Now with my second child, things are a little different.  There's a lot more stress.  We have a toddler who's almost two, I have gestational diabetes this time around, and my health isn't quite as good (and it wasn't that great the first time around,) and finances aren't quite as good either.  So, the stress has taken it's toll on all of us this pregnancy.

But he's still a very loving father and husband.  What have I learned from him on parenting?  I think a few of the things that I've learned from my husband are:

1. I have no patience whatsoever and I really need to learn some (male "selective hearing" is a natural instinct that they are all born with!)
2. I need to worry less (yeah, right... like that's ever going to happen!)
3. Boys get dirty (no matter how careful I am, he and his clothes are a total mess, I don't know how anyone keeps their children's clothes nice)
4. Boys get hurt and fall... a LOT!  And it's "ok" (I'm surprised he actually has any teeth left, thanks to the coffee table!)
5. Men cannot dress a child.  You should have seen what he was going to let our child go out of the house in one day!  

Well, there's probably more than what I've listed.  We've both had to learn and grow together in many different areas, and it's been quite the roller coaster the past (almost) three years that we've been together.  But no matter how rough things get, I'm glad he's the one I'm sharing all of this with because what makes him good at what he does is the love he has in his heart for me and our family.

Bike Week 2009

Happy Father's Day, Honey!  I love you!

On a personal note...

Oh my gosh, I can't believe it's been so long since I posted anything!  Life has gotten so ridiculously busy lately and I've not been feeling very well either.  This is definitely the LAST baby we have!  I forgot how exhausting pregnancy can be!  UGH.  And last time, I hardly had any nausea at all... this time around, however, is making up for all that.  And, of course, with "Baby Brain" I've been even more distracted than usual.  And don't even talk to me about St. Patrick's Day or Easter... holidays are just way overwhelming at the moment.  I'd love to decorate (omg I think we still have some random Christmas decorations up!) but it just takes too much energy.  Although, we might do Easter eggs.  I found some really cute ideas from one of my adventures on Pinterest!  And, just so you know, hard boiled cooked eggs come out better if you steam them!  Just ask Alton Brown of Good Eats.  (love his show!)  And check out his video here.

My laptop is still down and out, so I'm still using our son's laptop.  I can't wait to get mine up and running again.  Repair sessions have been sporadic.

I have been doing some more crocheting, though.  Hopefully I can get some pics up here soon.

 It's hard enough to try to get time to do anything these days, though, with an 18 month old running around like crazy!  He's so adorable, curious, smart, funny, and totally obstinate and exasperating!  LOL  He's definitely hit the "Terrible Twos" already.  He'll wake from a nap and just cry and scream like crazy and I have no idea why.  Usually he wants to eat immediately, so that might be part of it.  And the temper tantrums!  OMG! 

But then he does a complete 180 and is just so darned cute!  He asked the UPS guy yesterday, "How you doin'?"  Then told him "Bye" when he was walking away.  Now, how cute is that?!  And he loves to give fishy kisses and hugs all the time.  So, it makes all the temper tantrums and crying and screaming (mostly) worth it.  I'm amazed at how much I love that little guy.

And can you believe, we're doing it all over again?!?!  Yep, the little peanut is due Sept. 12th, 2012.  Hence, why I've not been feeling very well.  And that's also why I'm up in the middle of the night as well.  I've not been sleeping well at all. 

But something that I've noticed lately in the mornings are the sunrises.  They have been just beautiful lately.  And the birds singing in the morning.  For some reason, I've been noticing them more.  It's been a very nostalgic and very nature oriented pregnancy this time.  I think it was with the first baby, but this time around, my senses and emotions seem to be even more heightened.  It's definitely different this time around, that's for sure!

Anyway, I'm getting excited about Spring Cleaning that we're going to be doing next month.  We're hoping to have some yard sales as well, once we clear out a few ton of items.  Let's just say that we have a two-car garage and there's barely an open pathway from the door to the washer & dryer!  But I've got an idea for a system of getting stuff organized.  I'll let you know if it works or not.

As for all my projects, well.... they're still going, just going a lot slower than I'd like them to, due to the exhaustion from the pregnancy. 

Speaking of exhaustion......... Good night!

Growing Pains

Well, between teething and growing pains, we haven't gotten a good night's sleep in our household for a while now.  When I say "We" I mean me and the one year old.  Hubby works night shift and the teenager is on the other side of the house.  It's a small house, though, so I have no idea how he could ignore his baby brother screaming and crying.  And at some moments, I'm not sure who's screams and cries are the loudest, mine or the baby's.

It usually only lasts about an hour or less, but it seems like an eternity.  I now understand why my mom always said she wished it was her hurting instead of me.  And I can't wait until my little boy can actually talk so he can tell me what hurts.  And maybe then, I can explain to him (and hopefully he'll be able to understand) why he's hurting.

It's not that I want him to grow up quicker.  Lord knows he's growing up fast enough as it is.  But watching him with tears rolling down his cheeks and looking at me with that "Please make it go away!" look, just about kills me.

But then, when the pain goes away and he curls up in my arms to go back to sleep, with that unconditional love and trust... I know that he'll be ok.  And maybe so will I.

Project 365 (Day Six Thru Thirteen)

Well, life has been a bit too busy and got away from me.  I couldn't even get to the computer, let alone upload any pictures.  I did actually take a few, so here they are, all in one lump sum.  Enjoy!



Ok, Daddy, let's get to work!

 

It rained so much, we had a pool in our front yard!




Look at the little monkey toes!

 

Bubbles bubbles drool and troubles




That's "Mr." Giggles to you!  LOL

 

It's sad when $2.97 is "cheap" for gas!




My little man, growing up too quick!

 

Big Bubby feeding Little Bubby


Ok, so most are of my son (with my hubby and older son thrown in there for good measure) but at least I was still taking pictures!  I have a picture for today too, but I'll post that separately as an official posting for the project to get me back on track.  Hope you enjoyed my pics!

Project 365 (Day One)

Project 365 is a project that I came across for blogging and photography.  The goal is to take a picture and post it every day for an entire year.  You can start any time, so I'm starting now.  I think it's a fun idea and I hope to be up for the challenge.  This also means that some days I'll be posting more than one post, due to the Writer's Workshop and other such things that I tend to sign up for.

Anyway, I hope it helps me to better my photography skills and the way I see the world around me.

So, here's my first pic/post:

Monkey Toes and I are still trying to get the hang of this baby food thing.  LOL

I had to include this 2nd pic, to kick off the project right.

Monkey Toes was getting really upset that I was taking pictures

and not feeding him non-stop.

I tried to catch him smiling, but my trigger finger wasn't fast enough on the old camera.  And he's not one to hold still for pics anyway.  And how dare I stop feeding for 2 seconds to snap a picture!  I think I got more on his face than in his mouth!  LOL

Scarred

I look at myself, at the scars left from years and years ago.  Some are faded, others very vibrant.  My hands have some that are easy to see, one when I used a knife and cut toward my hand even though I knew better.  I had to learn the hard way. 

Other scars have faded to nothing.  I had three holes put into my left hand when dad and I had played Monkey in the Middle with our dog.  She was the Monkey in the Middle as we tossed a ball back and forth.  Then the ball and her mouth came down into my hand at the same time.  Three holes, almost all the way through.  I was two years old.  Our dog didn’t mean it, it was an accident, and honestly, it didn’t even hurt, strangely enough.  My parents were horrified, of course.  That was the end of our game.

I have scars on my knees from climbing trees.  Oh, how I used to climb as high as the roof and jump down where my parents couldn’t see me.  I have bad feet now, I’m wondering if that’s one of the reasons why. 

Then there are the emotional scars.  My mom and dad deaths.  Dad died first.  My divorce to my first husband.  Numerous breakups, too many to count.  Pets dying or having to get rid of them for one reason or another.  Depression at different times in my life. 

Of course, there are many more scars of different types, too numerous to list. Now I look at my baby, (oh, and let’s not forget those scars!) innocent, loving, funny, adorable, and I think of how much his daddy and I were daredevils when we were kids and all the scars both of us have, both physical and emotional, and I get scared… no, terrified!  He’s going to get hurt, he’s going to get scars, I can’t imagine the terror my parents felt when my hand went into our dog’s mouth.  But I’m sure I’ll probably find out one way or another. 

I wish I could call my parents and apologize to them for putting them through such pain, seeing me go through what I went through.  But my mom’s philosophy was that I had to learn from my own mistakes.  No matter what she could possibly say, I had to experience the pain on my own, or otherwise I wouldn’t actually learn anything.  She never interfered.  She sat and watched, and was always there to pick up the pieces when I needed her, but she let me fly from the nest on her own.  How strong she was to do that.  I know she worried beyond belief.  She was overprotective of me when I was little, in some ways.  But in others, she allowed me to experience life and pain, but also happiness and love.

Mom always said, what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger.  Great, what doesn’t kill you?!  Are you kidding me?!  What about the broken bones, teeth knocked out, God forbid getting maimed,  mental issues, therapy, etc….. Aaarrrggghhh!!  I’m not going to survive this motherhood thing.  I’m going to curl into a little ball until it’s over.  OMG, that’s going to be a long time!  Maybe I’ll just put my baby into a protective bubble and not ever let him get hurt…. Of course, then he’ll never experience love and kindness and all the good things in life either.  Hmmm… not such a good idea, either.  How did my mother do it?!  Amazingly she and I both survived.  How, I don’t know.  But it’s my turn to find out. 

Life is a journey, not a destination. And I plan to have a great time with my family on this journey.  Oh, we’ll have our hard times, our bad times, and we’ll all get scarred.  But we’ll have good times as well and we’ll all be better people in the long run. 

Our scars tell stories of our lives.  Display them proudly.

Baby Formula & "Experts"

Warning:  Ranting, Raving and TMI ahead.  Proceed with caution. 
(Or not, it's not really that bad unless breast feeding makes you squeemish)

I'm quite irritated at the moment and feel like getting on my soap box, if you don't mind.  My baby is 4 months old and we think he may be lactose intollerant.  I am, so his chances are good, and we've been having a hard time finding a formula that works well with his tummy.  So, we tried the soy formulas and the lactose-free formulas such as Alimentum and Nutramigen and quite a few others, too numerous to mention, (ones for gassiness, fussiness, regular ol' stuff too, etc.,) but tipically within these two same brands.  Now, don't get me wrong, I really like these two brands.  The first is actually the one that our baby prefers, but that's in the regular fomulas such as the Sensitive formula.  (He's very gassy... gets that from momma LOL) but lately he's been having a bit of trouble.  So, we decided to try the lactose free ones.  (and let me tell you, this crap is too expensive to be "trying" different formulas only to find that after a few bottles, it's not the right one!)

So, anyway, he won't take them.  He makes these nasty faces and pushes his tongue against the roof of his mouth and then out, like he's trying to get the taste out.  He didn't do that with the other Sensitive one.  So, I tried the lactose free ones myself.  OMG I thought I'd puke!  These aren't just bad, they're absolutely nasty!  Disgusting!  Gross!  No wonder he didn't want it.  Geez!  Not that regular formula is the best thing in the world, but c'mon, does it have to taste rotten?!  Like spoiled milk or something that crawled out from the back of the fridge, forgotten for months.  Y  U  C  K  !

We tried adding a little rice cereal to help with the taste (we'd been adding rice cereal for a while because just formula wasn't filling him up anymore. (he's a big boy, but not fat at all.  He was over 9 pounds when he was born!) The rice cereal helped a bit, he gets about 2 ounces down now, but that's about it... when he's been drinking 6 ounces easily, that's too little. 

So, I decide to try to look up if I can add sugar or something to sweeten it up a bit.  And I get this result.  So, I pick a few and read and that's what's irritated me the most.  Other than the fact that I've almost gone broke and have about 20 different cans of formula in the pantry that he'll never eat, from trial and error.  Honestly, why can't they make trial sizes?!  other than the few you get from the hospital when the baby's first born, I mean.... but I digress....

I'm not picking on any site inparticular.  I'm mad at the so-called "experts" who answered on Amma's site.  They had the nerve to say that ALL formulas have some sort of sweetner in them already and that there's no reason to add anything.  They obviously have never tried the soy or lactose free versions of formula.  Nor do they probably even have children of their own.  I know the formula makers can't possibly have kids... otherwise they would give us mom's a break on the price or make those trial sizes I mentioned! 

Anyway, who are they trying to kid?!  Already sweet enough?!  If that's sweet, then bitter or bad would probably kill a horse!  Ugh! 

Oh, and one expert (can't remember if it was from that site or one of the others) actually said that babies don't really know the difference between tastes/flavors (I'm paraphrasing badly) so it doesn't matter.  Are you kidding me?  I've seen the look on my baby's face when I've tried different things with him (please don't bash me, it's only little drops of stuff and only one or two at a time) and I see him either make a yucky face as with the nasty formulas, or he smiles with the taste of a popcicle or some other flavorful and yummy food, and he gets all excited when he tastes something like that. 

So, did I ruin his ability to eat formula because he now knows good flavors?  No, because he'll still eat the regular formulas without issue, but his tummy doesn't like them.  It's the nasty soy and lactose free versions that I'm upset with.

And let's not forget to complain about the "experts" who insist on breast feeding.  I would have loved to have breast fed my little one... I was devastated when I couldn't.  But unfortunately, I didn't produce enough milk.  And I know there are people out there who think that ALL women produce plenty of milk and I'm just not trying hard enough... well, you're wrong.  I'm sorry to tell you that, but you are.  I even tried pumping... and after 45 minutes on both sides, I didn't get barely an ounce and then I'd have to wait a couple hours before any more would come out.  OK, that's a little TMI, but I'm really ticked off at those who think that it's impossible for me to not be able to breast feed.  I tried.  I tried until the doctor said that if he didn't get formula, then he'd have to be put in the hospital for losing too much weight.  So, devastation set in and so did depression, because I'd looked forward to that bonding method all my life, only to have it dashed and destroyed.  (On the up side, my husband was able to take the middle-of-the-night feedings and let me get some much needed sleep.  I was still recovering from the surgery, afterall.)

So, that's what ticks me off at 5am with a crying baby and a nasty taste in my mouth. 

~Oddyssey